In your misty Thursday media column: no bunnies for Richard Branson, no viewers for NBC, a shot at enlightenment for America's dumb children, and—finally—a classy new porn mag:

Richard Branson says he does not want to buy Playboy. Oh how we wish he did, though. As you can see, he's sad about it. If only there were a rich, horny, middle-aged billionaire out there, who loves models.

The BBC is launching a channel for kids, right here in the USA. American kids will not be stupid any more.

Jacques is a new quarterly that calls itself "America's only new luxury erotic magazine." Since we know that there are no new magazines or luxurious things in America right now, it's probably true! Anyhow the naked parts are very tasteful and all so check it out.

NBC got only 4.4 million prime time viewers last week—the lowest-ever total for any network "outside of the summer doldrums of June, July, August or early September." But not to worry: the network's considering creating a new 5 p.m. daily "lifestyle show." Which will turn things around.