Hello, Pink Lady! David Geffen, the wealthy friend of Dorothy, wants to buy the New York Times. Fantastic news for the paper's gay mafia.

Fortune reports that Geffen considered buying a 19 percent stake held by Harbinger Capital, a hedge fund. (Google also took a look but passed) Geffen — or anyone, really — would be a better owner than the Sulzbergers, the kleptocratic parasites who inherited their controlling stake. (The Sulzbergers like to style themselves as guardians of the Times's vaunted journalistic values, but the current generation seems far more interested in their dwindling dividends.)

If not Geffen, then who? Probably Carlos Slim Helù, the sketchy Mexican telecom mogul who's been accumulating a stake in Times Co. shares and debt. The debt, in particular, positions him to take over the Times if its finances take a tumble. We must stop this outrage! The Times is too great a national treasure for it to land in heterosexual hands.