We trust our generous gifts of various awful things have succeeded in coaxing the last holdouts among you out from your Grinch lairs, and towards the CRT glow of the Defamer hearth.

Now that we're all on the same peace-on-Earth-goodwill-towards-etc. page, we'd like to share with you something very special, courtesy of the One D at a Time blog: It's our favorite Christmas Angel, Anna Nicole Smith, smiling down on us from the paralyzed lap of her new respirator-assisted, zillion-year-old boyfriend, God. But the real star here is not Anna Nicole, nor is it Kathy Griffin—back in the days when she really did trawl in bottom-feeding D-list waters—getting into a mildly diverting spitting match with Howard K. Stern.

No, the featured attraction here is Shelly, Anna Nicole's cousin from Mexia, who offers a rendition of "The First Noel" that could only be rendered more exquisite if Kathie Lee Gifford started inching into the frame, one finger pressed firmly to her ear as she added soaring harmonies. The video cuts off right before Shelly's striptease, but One D has some amazing screengrabs of Anna's kin, festively shaking her funcoinpurses with abandon.

God bless us, every one!