Real Housewives of New York City star Alex McCord is writing a book about raising urban children. Like, advice giving. Step one: have a foppish be-accented husband. Step two: pretend to be fancy.

You may recall from the Bravo reality show on which she stars, that McCord is a wildly aspiring New York "socialite," who uses her tenuous connections and new-found TV cameras to strong-arm her way into things like opening night at the Met. She and her husband, a nambypants hotel manager named Simon, have foisted this desperate hoity toityness upon their two innocent children, whom they've named Johanas and Fauntleroy, or something. The tykes have an au pair who only speaks French and the parents regularly quiz their tiny children in the language, even though neither is of French ancestry. It's just, you know, classy. No problem with kids learning extra languages, but c'mon. Spanish would certainly be more practical. (Remember in that Louis Malle film Atlantic City when Susan Sarandon is trying to learn French and she keeps saying dreamily "it is the international language of diplomacy" in this sad little way? It's like that.)

So it's amusing that they'll be dishing out advice about how to raise the perfect urban children, and that people are supposed to heed their advice. Oh, but don't worry. It won't be like mushy gushy parenting stuff. "It's not about how to discipline," Alex tells Page Six. "It's about things like how to get a passport for an infant when you don't have a birth certificate yet." Oh good. "Just popped this sucker out, hun. Pack the bags, we're going to St. Bart's. In the off season!"

Our advice to parents like Alex? One: stop tossing your children in front of reality show cameras for your own pathetic non-gains. Two: stop being naked.

Update! Except, maybe the book hasn't even been sold to a publisher yet.