A new workplace harassment and wrongful termination lawsuit has blown the doors wide open on the world of "branding agents"—even oilier than a regular agent, these Audi-leasing Hollywood barnacles can transform your garden-variety Jessica Simpson into a Jessica Simpson: The Jean. Todd Shemarya, the man named in the suit, was one such brand agent. Perhaps even the biggest, Variety reports, having handled endorsements and brokered baby photos for the likes of Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and Salma Hayek. So what is plaintiff Heather Devlin, a fired Shemarya assistant, accusing her ex-boss of? For starters, pooping in a doorless bathroom for all the office to see. And making fun of Brad Pitt's wee! And much, much more! From Courthousenews.com:

Devlin says Shemarya forced her to use the doorless bathroom and used it himself, exposing his genitals in the process. She says he made her take dictation while he urinated. She claims he "paraded naked at TSA's offices and exposed himself to her while he urinated or defecated at work.

"[Devlin says] Shemarya frequently pulled out the August 1997 edition of 'Playgirl' magazine," which features nude photos of Brad Pitt, the complaint states. Devlin says Shemarya called Pitt, an agency client, his "golden goose," while ridiculing the size of his penis.
Shemarya allegedly called Jewish clients "Chizlers," routinely referred to women as "cunts" and called the agency's black clients "Niggers." Shemarya called Jennifer Aniston's yoga instructor her "lesbian girlfriend," called Salma Hayek a "twat," and suggested that Hayek "should go back to Mexico" after she ended her business relationship with the agency, according to the lawsuit. Devlin says Shemarya instructed agency employees to use the company's petty cash to buy drugs. He intercepted expensive gifts that designers sent for agency clients Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, gave DiCaprio and Pitt the gifts as if Shemarya had bought them, and then sent fake thank you notes to the designers, according to the complaint.

Well, there goes the last drops of faith we placed in sniveling Hollywood middle-men to dispense free luxury goods to their intended movie star recipients with any sense of scrupulousness or honor. It's getting so we don't know what to believe in anymore. Excuse us while we ponder this lapse of decency seated upon our Commode of Solitude with the door wide open.