Karl Lagerfeld-designer, living statue, colonel in the German Gay Zombie Army-would like to show your child a little something. No, not his series-of-metal-braces-and-leather-straps genitalia! He's made a fancypants teddy bear that will retail at Neiman Marcus for a completely reasonable $1,500. Lagerfeld is very optimistic about the ursine species "bears are very nice, as long as you are nice to them," but not so cheery when it comes to his own childhood: "I never played with anything like toys. I wanted to be grown-up." Oh very nice. Then he stood up and walked off into the sunset, a strange chorus of hums, whirs, and clicks emanating from his joints, which are fashioned out of old wheelchairs. [W]