'Jennifer Aniston's Body Is A Wonderland, But I'm More In The Mood For A Six-Flags Groupie Adventure,' Admits John Mayer
We've been made vaguely aware that there recently existed some sort of romantic entanglement between preternaturally unlucky in love Friends star Jennifer Aniston and female-anatomy-as-human-amusement-park-rhapsodizing troubadour John Mayer—and that it has ended, badly. Our condolences go out to both of them, but particularly to Aniston, about whom we're really starting to believe that one-eyed Gypsy woman who grabbed us on a Melrose sidewalk, wagging a gnarled finger in our face as she warned: "Mark my words—Jennifer Aniston will die alone!" before vanishing into a nearby alleyway.In any case, an emotionally agitated Mayer was approached on the streets of Manhattan by reporters hoping for a word on two on the breakup. Mayer then offered them more material than they had ever hoped for, turning the tables on the stunned-speechless gossip hounds by insisting they print the truth (for once!), instead of spinning scurrilous hearsay into cover line gold. Unfortunately, he sticks around about two minutes too long; by the time he offers, "I don't waste people's time...I'm just being honest, yo....Let's poll the people around us and see if my theory is right that 20% of them would have liked to have dumped Jennifer, too—they just didn't have the guts!" things just start getting uncomfortable for everyone involved.