America's best friends the Saudis are throwing a party in Spain today where they will all celebrate how tolerant they are of other religions or something. So the folks at the Center for Religious Freedom decided to translate some official school textbooks from the Saudi Ministry of Education into English so that we may all shudder at what they teach their children and also maybe kind of laugh, because it honestly reads like a Shouts & Murmers piece. We all know the Jews control the banks, but did you know they also run the nightlife?

"How the Zionists Achieve their Goals:

Sedition, ruses, and conspiracy theories throughout history.... The First World War: the Jews played a role in starting it....

Attempting to inundate peoples with vice and rampant prostitution.... They manage bars in Europe and America, as well as in Israel itself.

Gaining control over literature and the arts; spreading degenerate pornographic literature, and encouraging perverted trends in literature, thought and art.

Gaining control over the film industry in the Western world and elsewhere.

Fraud, bribery, theft, and swindles."

Remind us to thank our Jewish friends for keeping us drunk and degenerate! But that's 10th grade material there. For something a little easier to grasp, we need to go to the elementary school stuff.

1st Grade
"Fill in the blanks with the appropriate words—(Islam, hellfire)

'Every religion other than ____ is false. Whoever dies outside of Islam enters ____.'"

5th Grade
"A Muslim is forbidden to love and aid the unbelieving enemies of God...."

"Which of the following should you love in God, and which of them should you hate in God?

Example: One of your relatives who does not pray, does not fast, and does not worship God.

Answer: I hate him in God."

Man, their homework looks easy! Also now we kind of want to watch Are You Smarter Than a Saudi Arabian 5th Grader.