Every big website in the world suckles at the teat of traffic like so many piglets fighting over a bloated sow. But figuring out the whims of the traffic gods is not as easy as you might think. If the oldest magazine in the world hasn't cracked the code yet (see the pitiful performance of the The Atlantic's Britney Spears cover), it's a lot to expect from the "new" media, even with all our fancy computerized counting machines. Sometimes it's out of your control; CNBC.com's chief just wrote that the business site's traffic took a dive yesterday when all of its golf-loving rich white guy readers turned away from their computers to watch Tiger Woods win the US Open. But there are some fairly reliable ways to build traffic successfully, which we will now reveal to you, after the jump. Is sex involved? Click now to find out!:

Listicles

Putting things into list format really seems to draw in readers. Nobody knows why this is true.

Creating coherent characters

Julia Allison is the prototypical protoceleb, but you can do this with anybody who's worthy of further examination. The photo of CNBC.com managing editor Allen Wastler on his traffic article shows him gripping a cigar between his teeth. Worthy of a follow up piece? Maybe! But probably not. You have to pick people who are actually interesting somehow.

Diggable Stuff

Digg will drive thousands and thousands of people to your little story. Is this post Diggable? I don't know, why don't you go Digg it! Then you will feel like you were part of something, because we are all on the same team. Gawker video maven Richard Blakeley is very good at this. If you pay him money he'll tell you how to do it.

Sex

Things You Can't Control

This can work against traffic, as in the case of CNBC.com and Tiger Woods. But it can also work in one's favor-usually in the case of death and disaster. A sad fact of news.

Good, Intelligent Content

Quality often does rise to the top, believe it or not!

Cute!

Now forward this list to all your friends!