Recently, periodically self-aware human and artist Kanye West announced that he is $53 million deep into “personal debt.” Mark Zuckerberg has yet to express an interest in helping. So, we’ve looked into some alternative financing options possibly available. Specifically, emergency art grants.

Soon after NBC re-aired Usain Bolt dominating the 100 meter final, we received this email from a woman who would like to spill the details of her ongoing fling in London with one of the other sprinters who is presumably not Usain Bolt. But she would like to sell her story anyway, even though most publications would probably not purchase the story unless it was about her sleeping with Usain Bolt. She tells us:

Fifteen minutes ago, I encountered an unflushed turd in the bowl of a workplace toilet. A harmless event that nonetheless evoked kneejerk revulsion and tested my character. Would I step up and bravely flush, or would I flee?

Right now everyone is scurrying around and throwing elbows trying to get their last minute Christmas shopping done at an overcrowded mall. But what happens when you get all your gifts home? You have to make sure the packages look just as good as what's inside. Here are some simple tricks to wrap the perfect present.

It's a sad inevitability. No matter how hard you try, how accurately you plan, how much you control what you eat, it's going to happen at some point: you will have to poop at work. It's where the biological meets the professional and it's always, pardon the expression, a shit show. Let's try to make it easier, shall we?

Did you hear? Hurricane Irene is going to slam into New York City like Lindsay Lohan slamming into the sidewalk in front of a nightclub. It's going to be horrible! But we're sure you can make it through if you prepare adequately. Here's how.

As long as there have been celebrities, there have been celebrities getting arrested, and as long as there have been celebrities getting arrested, there have been celebrity mugshots. But what can we learn from them?

Welcome to August, everyone! It's the month where not one single thing gets done at anyone's job anywhere in the world. But just because there is nothing to do doesn't mean you can just sit at your desk and do nothing. Here's a guide to making yourself look busy without troubling with any actual work.

Gay New Yorkers can now get married. That's great news, of course, but let's not forget that there is no bigger logistical or etiquette nightmare on this planet than planning a wedding. Since the traditional roles for a male-female wedding go out the window for gay nuptials, here are some ground rules an suggestions to get you started.

It's April 1st, the day when every office jokester and petty prankster thinks up some gags at your expense that they think will be hilarious. Well, not this year, jackass. Here's a guide on how not to fall for anything.

As part of our ongoing attempt to help our readers navigate the lonely, terrifying modern world, we offer this advice: If you are arrested for driving while intoxicated, do not bring "a bag full of beer" to your court hearing. This is what Keith Gruber, 49, of Swan Lake, N.Y., did on Monday; the judge at the hearing was not pleased, and threw Gruber in jail without bail. But we may all learn from Gruber's unfortunate experience, and take the following advice:

New York is about to get six to twelve inches of snow tomorrow. Don't worry, New Yorkers, you're going to make it through this. Here's how you should act before the white stuff starts falling.

According to The Wall Street Journal, no one uses "dear" as a salutation when writing emails, because it is "girlie." This makes writing email so confusing! Luckily, we're here to help, with a guide to letter-writing in the 21st century.

Every January 1, everyone wakes up with the best intentions of improving themselves and living a better life. By March 12, all those ideals are out the window. Not this year! Here's how to make your resolution last all year.

Most Americans spend Thanksgiving with their families. That's great, except sometimes the conversation can be strained, awkward, or downright contentious. Here's how to keep the peace and have something to talk about until the pumpkin pie is served.

Black Friday is upon us! It's the biggest shopping day of the year, and to help you out we've put together some holiday-shopping tips and tricks to so you get the best out of your orgiastic celebration of waste:

Talk show host Jimmy Kimmel had the brilliant idea to declare November 17th National Unfriend Day, when Facebook users should cull the unnecessary from the ranks of their friends. Here are the first people you should cut.

Going to nightclubs would be a lot more enjoyable if people knew how to behave properly. Follow these seven simple yet important rules and you'll make life easier for everyone.

Slate's prudish advice columnist Dear Prudence received a question from a woman dating a man with a tiny, tiny penis. Prudence's response today focuses on love and relationships, but skimps on the sex. We'll get down to the itty-bitty nitty-gritty.

If you watch reality television shows, then you know that through some strange verbal coincidence, all the contestants constantly say the same meaningless things. Here are the 10 that are the most annoying.