Joshua David Stein is back briefly to talk about Bravo's Top Chef whose tenth episode aired last night. Another episode, another crap challenge in which the contestants must cater to some non-foodie clientele in a mass production environment. Last night's challenge: make box lunches for Chicago cops so they won't get fat(ter). There are seven chefs left and not one made donuts! Pussies.

Seriously though, police officers do suffer from a high rate of obesity. This has less to do with donuts and more to do with the "long hours and the on-the-go nature of police work [that makes] it hard to find time to eat well and stay in shape." In fact the LAPD recently hired a dietician to cut the BMI's of the force and Chicago's police superintendent recently floated the idea of mandatory fitness tests. Anyway, what made last night's episode enjoyable/risible was the reappearance of Sam Talbot, the almost winner almost chef of last season. He's diabetic and has crap taste in sweaters.

Yesh, yesh kittehs. I know. According to many, I haven't the best track record in sweaters. But, srsly, what the shit was Sam Talbot wearing? First of all, he changed costumes more than Padma. During the Quickfire, he wore some khaki green blazer/flak jacket thing with a menagerie of necklaces. By night's end, Talbot boasted a chunkystripey shawl-type sweater, fingers covered in silver and some sort of Dark Crystal type amulet. I don't care if he has diabetes. Blindness does not account for his fashion choices. Douchiness however, pretty boy unctuous self-righteous douchiness, does. He is incredibly good-looking though. I mean his face. It's like an angel face.

So that's fats and ugly sweaters. Next up: Villainy. Who's villainous? Well two people really: Spike and Lisa, the self-promoting skeazy puppy-eyed stoner and the ugly lesbian, respectively. [NB: I will no longer refer to Lisa as an ugly lesbian however since I do believe that gives other ugly lesbians a bad name. Sorry Judith Butler, Andrea Dworkin, Ingrid Sischy, Annie Liebowitz, Andy Borowitz. No harm. No foul.] Spike won the Quickfire and thusly had first pick of Box Lunch ingredients. What he chose others couldn't. So Spike shrewdly fucked everybody by eliminating lettuce, tomatoes, chiclen and bread from their arsenal. But like an idiot asshole, he didn't put any of it to good use. He made a crappy chicken salad with a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce and some burnt pieces of toast. But whatever. His villainy was at least strategic and not personal. He handily kneecapped everyone. He didn't single out one victim.

The same could not be said for shit-for-tits Lisa. True, Andrew, who got sent home and who deserved to be sent home, did not follow the rules of the challenge. He forgot grains. But to throw him under the bus at the judge's table was not only pointless (of course the judges knew he had erred) but just plain scummy. Lisa is, I'm sure, an opportunistic amoral sorely losing bitter pill. She may be able to parboil some salmon or dice some carrots but she has none of the qualities of a chef. She spend most of her time pointing out the flaws of others and evading responsibility. Andrew, despite his many flaws, at least stood for something and understood some things. Sure he was crazy and annoying but he was loyal and passionate. Additionally, that Viggo Mortensen Eastern Promises moment in the Stew Room was pretty amazing.

From now on, we just have to wait for the Final Three. Gawker's bets are on Richard and Dale (obviously) with Stephanie hanging in there too.