[Gawker alum Joshua David Stein has compiled this insanely complex and astutely accurate Venn Diagram for Esquire that charts just about every program on the air right now. This made us want to watch even more TV, if that's possible.]

Erstwhile Gawker editor and New York culturist-at-large Joshua David Stein has created, just in time for Valentine's Day, a romantic Mad Lib for our Brooklyn bobo era, complete with prompts for cheap beer, dive bars, and flash-in-the-pan bands.

Juiced and crushed like a Concord grape, it is my solemn duty to report from the Top Chef Season VI Finale Part II held in Napa. I, Joshua David Stein, shall not fail you.

A rainbow parabolas over the fertile Napa valley. A dream is asphyxiated amongst the vines. Top Chef is nearing its end. I'm Joshua David Stein. I'll take you there. Ain't nobody cryin'. Except the loser.

There is a place where the episode ends
And before the show begins
And there the chefs grow soft and white,
And there Jen's face burns crimson bright,
And there the brothers prep for their fight
To ballotine a thing.

Yes, that was a real pig's head illustrating the New York Times' negative review of Jonathan Safran Foer's anti-meat-eating book, Gawker contributor Joshua David Stein has confirmed. The letters to the editor should be especially entertaining next Sunday.

Awaken and behold the tale of six chefs, two hearts beating as one, a sad strip, a sassafras dream and a love supreme. I'm Joshua David Stein and this is your Top Chef recap.

Good afternoon, my lovelies!!! It's Joshie. Last night—OMG it was adorbs!—I curled up and watched Top Chef on the television. What did you do, my dolls?

Quo vadis, y'all? It's Joshua David Stein. I'm still emotionally shaken from the mental shipwreck of last night's Top Chef, a competitive alternate reality located somewhere in Las Vegas. Let's cry together.

Hello, It's Joshua David Stein here, halfway through a beautiful bottle of pinot [noir!] It's only 10:15am but it's time to drunkenly discuss Bravo's Top Chef somewhere, emmeyeright?

Hey y'all. This is Joshua David Stein. I'm writing this from beautiful Savannah Georgia where it's hard to find Bravo and thusly Top Chef: Las Vegas. Luckily we found it in a hotel lobby bar.

Howdy. This is Joshua David Stein. I wore chaps last night to the premiere of Top Chef Las Vegas: Episode 5 in my living room. Were you there? OMG it was so crowded.

Bonjour, je m'appel Joshua David Stein. Je vais discuter le program Top Chef: Las Vegas qui passe au le network demigay, Bravo hier soir. Merci a Brian de m'avoir remplaçé gentilement le semaine derniere.

Learn to decode subtle Facebook brags, and become annoyed with your "friends" all over again.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein. I tuned in last night to the second episode of Top Chef Las Vegas, a show on Bravo and now, I see, a Gawker advertiser. Uh oh.

Saludos! My name is Joshua David Stein. Last night Top Chef Las Vegas premiered. I'm still struggling to make sense of it. Let's struggle together.

Hi. My name is Joshua David Stein and I can't believe Padma Lakshmi can't afford clothes. Top Chef Las Vegas premieres Wednesday night on Bravo. I'm quivering with excitement. Let's peek over the trench together.

An article in the latest issue of Out says that more gay bars are popping up all over the country. That is very true, and it could be the worst thing to happen to gay culture since Judy Garland Died.

Hello. My name is Joshua David Stein. I think we should probably talk about what happened last night on Bravo's Top Chef: Masters. It was at once heartwarming and a little creepy.

Wispily pompadoured Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter's new midtown venture Monkey Bar is a bar/restaurant for rich people. There's even a giant mural commemorating some of between-wars New York's bestest richies. So who's in it?