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Sheryl, Sheryl, Sheryl. Was it something we said? Come on — Valleywag adores you! Remember how we recommended Mark Zuckerberg hire you away from your job as Google's top advertising-operations exec to replace Owen Van Natta as Facebook's COO? Zuckerberg took our advice, and we're growing happier with this call every day. The latest reason why: In your farewell address to Google's AdWords team, you said that you're going to "shoot the guy who writes Valleywag."

We don't know whether to feel threatened or flattered. To quote another gay guy in danger of getting shot, "If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country." Or at least blow wide every secret in Silicon Valley.

We are fully prepared to be martyred in the name of gossip, Sheryl. But really, we feel you underestimate your subtle power. Since when do you need a gun to get people to say nice things about you?