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We're still holding out for the American Idol scandal motherload, but so far, we've had to settle for underwhelming pseudo-dirt regarding the wig-wearing, gay-stripping skeletons hiding inside some of the male contestants' closets. Even that Idol scandal mainstay—the racy photo—is a little bit of a letdown this season. Where last year brought us Antonella Barba peeing, this year, we get this rather humdrum shot of Ramiele Malubay grabbing a handful of sushi-slinging co-worker boob. Wake us up when it's revealed that puppy-eyed front runner David Archuleta is actually a 52-year-old woman with a song in her heart and a growth-deficiency in her DNA.