Schwarzenegger Tank Rides Will Fix Corrupted L.A. Youth Once and For All
In the greatest act of child bribery by a sitting governor since Bill Clinton withheld his 44th birthday cake from a young, broccoli-boycotting Chelsea, Arnold Schwarzenegger recently recalled his vintage M47 Army tank from its Ohio museum exile as an enticement to California's at-risk youths to just behave already, for Christ's sake.
The governor, who used to offer movie set visits to young Angelenos, apparently determined those kids would rather get high than accept his visits to Sacramento to tour the State Capitol:
[Schwarzenegger] said he plans to offer the rides to inner-city children in the Los Angeles area as a reward for staying in school, avoiding drugs and working hard.
Warren Motts, founder and director of Motts Military Museum, said Schwarzenegger acquired the M47 American-made tank from the Austrian government and had it shipped to Florida. He transported it to a Columbus, Ohio, shopping mall in 1999 when he opened a Planet Hollywood there.
Schwarzenegger lent the tank to the museum, located in Groveport, in 2000.
Indeed, the tank is old hat for Groveport kids, well-known to ritualistically enjoy furtive, drunken orgies in its steely confines every prom night since the beginning of the decade but who now must prepare for their own school-sanctioned, fake-ID'd return to the shitty old Planet Hollywood 15 miles down the road in Columbus. If only their governor had been an Austrian Army deserter-turned-celebrity bureaucrat. Tough break, gang.
