Welcome to the Gawker Locker Room: where maturity goes to die! Here your host and toastmaster Furious George will present a topic of discussion for open commentary, vigorous debate, and potential masturbatory purposes. Our topics will be diverse, random, juvenile, and vitally important. The philosopher Kanye West once remarked: "Whether you broke or rich, you gotta get biz / Havin' money's the everything that havin' it is." Indeed, Kanye. Indeed. No matter how noble we imagine ourselves to be, there comes a point in our lives when we realize that money can, in fact, buy happiness. There may be those who disagree, but who are they kidding, right? If there really are two Americas, as the late Communist organizer Ivan "John" Edwards would have us believe, wouldn't you much rather live in the America who summers in Gstaad, cellars cases of 2000 Margaux Margaux, scoops passionfruit-cognac gelato from the gold-plated shells of endangered sea turtles, and dines on crème d'aigle chauve at by-invitation-only restaurants in Tokyo? Let's address this question, folks, once and for all: is money the root of all happiness?