New York City's Off-Track Betting parlors, the seediest places left in Manhattan (next to those secret Chinese gambling dens, anyway), are all set to close following an order from noted fun-hater Michael Bloomberg, who's surely done more than any previous mayor to rid the city of its amoral, filthy character, but everyone still loves him anyway because he's not Giuliani and the newsmedia is controlled by and made up of the well-off bastards he's delivered New York to on a silver platter. The Times investigates the wacky, Damon Runyan-esque characters who throw their lives away at the OTB, including the dapper old "retired actor" who says that should the parlors actually close, he'll "probably just stop betting and go to the theater more." We can't let that happen. [NYT]