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Supremely confident that tonight's WGA vote will end the writers strike and finally free him of the three-month-long recurring nightmare in which he's forced to personally read the names of this year's Oscar winners to an empty Kodak Theatre while wearing nothing but a tattered tuxedo t-shirt, ecstatic producer Gil Cates triumphantly declared at today's production meeting that the Academy will put on its "A" show , officially scrapping plans for the clip-heavy, star-deficient backup ceremony everyone feared might take place.

After announcing the happy news to his staff, a relieved Cates, obviously still haunted by those troubling dreams, elaborated on the psychological burden that had just been lifted, muttering to show director Louis J. Horvitz, "Thank fucking God that's over. I couldn't take another night of waking up in a cold sweat, pantsless and gripping the World's Greatest Boss novelty Oscar you gave me, screaming, 'And the Oscar goes to...Javier Bardem!' There's only so much of that the wife will put up with, no matter how much stress you're under."