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As you shake off the morning-after effects of your rollicking Golden Globes party—which consisted entirely of pounding cans of PBR and shouting obscenities at clueless NBC presenter Billy Bush every time he opened his mouth—take a look at the weekend's box office numbers:

1. The Bucket List - $19.540 million
Though many critics have dismissed the Jack Nicholson/Morgan Freeman dying-buddy flick as shameless, tear-jerking treacle, we found ourselves unexpectedly moved by the film. We'll even admit—more than a little sheepishly—to misting up at a late third-act plot twist we never saw coming [spoilers follow]:

While laying in bed in their shared hospital room, finally ready for death following the completion of their "bucket list," Freeman reveals to his globe-trotting partner that he is, in fact, God, and that if the anxious Nicholson will allow himself to drift off to sleep, he'll awaken the next morning completely cancer-free and ready to enjoy several more years of life. Nicholson, though skeptical at first, eventually accepts that his traveling companion is his Maker (there's even a knowing mention of Freeman's resemblance to the deity of Evan Almighty), closes his eyes, and is gently snoring within seconds. Convinced that he's safely asleep, Freeman rises, pillow in hand, and snuffs out his gullible roommate, whispering as Nicholson's arms quickly cease flailing, "You never should've fucking laughed at me for being afraid to jump out of that plane on our skydiving trip. Who's not so brave in the face of death now, you miserable old bastard?"

2. First Sunday - $19 million
Soon, the day will come when ascendant comedy superstar Tracy Morgan doesn't have to play third banana to the likes of Ice Cube and Katt Williams; perhaps he'll finally get a chance to see his name sit alone above the title once the much-clamored-for big-screen adaptation of Werewolf Bar Mitzvah gains some traction at Universal.

3. Juno - $14 million
With Juno's shutout at last night's Golden Globes, a panicking Fox Searchlight will redouble its promotional efforts to make sure Oscar voters don't also overlook their critical and box office darling. Academy members will soon receive a promotional package containing a plastic fetus (complete with fingernails) and a personal note from the precocious teenage mom pleading, "Honest to blog! Don't abort my Oscar dreams!'

4. National Treasure: Book of Secrets - $11.482 million
The Nic Cage blockbuster has now officially hung around the box office top 5 for so long that we have even less to offer in the way of commentary that we usually do; with nothing left to say, we instead direct you once again to the legendary clip of a bear-suited Cage delivering his brand of ursine justice to an unsuspecting female cult member in Wicker Man—this time dramatically set to the music from Chariots of Fire!

5. Alvin and the Chipmunks - $9.1 million
As long as we're on the subject, we'd love to see a clip of Justin Long, wearing that ridiculous Chipmunks sweater from his recent TRL appearance, cold-cocking his publicist for forcing him into such a humiliating promotional appearance.