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Golly, Dr. Schmidt! I know you're busy being the CEO of Google, but your chief Internet evangelist, Vint Cerf, promised me that no matter where you were in the world, you would be ready within an hour to provide an official statement to any journalist who asked for one. And I believed him, because he invented the Internet. And why couldn't you? I mean, you took the lead in promoting the Java language at Sun Microsystems. You were the CEO of Novell, and everyone said that company was going to die, but here it is, still limping along! And you made all those great decisions at Google, even though no one there can quite pin down for me what they were. Why, gosh, you're even donating a transit hub to the folks on Nantucket! Is there nothing you can't do?

Well, sir, there must be some mistake. I sent an email your way at 10:33 a.m. Pacific Standard Time asking for an official statement within an hour confirming your ability to deliver an official statement within an hour. And here it is, more than an hour later. There must be a bug in the system somewhere! Maybe Gmail failed to deliver the email. Don't worry, Dr. Schmidt. I still believe in you. Just get someone on that Gmail bug, will you?