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Dan Lyons, the Forbes editor behind the Fake Steve Jobs media empire, has written a new book. Or he might has well have. Have you seen the man's LinkedIn profile? For interests, Lyons lists: "Skiing, rowing, running, chasing my two-year-old twins around the house." He should have added: "going on and on." The monstrosity comes in at 2,000 words. His summary alone hits 121. We wanted Paul Boutin to write a 100-word version, but he's too busy writing his review of Options for the Wall Street Journal on his BlackBerry. So here's my mercifully brief version of Lyons's "Experience" and "Education" fields, which he could use to outline his memoir:

Lyons fell in love with Latin in High School. "Sad?" Lyons asks. Yes. Next, a 6-year dental program. Hated it. Transferred to Bradford College. Let inner bookworm develop into parasite. Started career at Lawrence Eagle-Tribune. A rough city. Loved it: "Crime, corruption, arson, huge drug busts. Murders galore. Race riots ... had a blast." Then copyedited at the Boston Herald. "The worst job I've ever had." Next, senior writer, PC Week, drunk on Fridays. Gets MFA at U. of Mich; writes fiction, freelance tech. Hired on full time at Forbes. "Dude, I invented friggin Fake Steve. Have you heard of him?"