Lionsgate Presents: Tyler Perry's When Did I Become The Biggest Box Office Draw in Hollywood?
Let the weekend box office numbers be your much-needed rays of sunshine on this gloomy Monday morning:
1. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married - $21.5 million
Reacting to the third number one opening posted by the producer/actor/director/playwright/media mogul behind Why Did I Get Married?, Lionsgate president Tom Ortenberg somewhat ominously warned all of Hollywood, "My strong hunch is that this is the last time anybody will underestimate Tyler Perry."
Brimming with confidence in his hitmaking triple threat, Ortenberg elaborated, "Now that he's done this three times, we're finally going to buy him a fat suit that will shame the ones in Norbit and Big Momma's House and make everyone forget that Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence ever existed. When Tyler Perry's Medea's Revenge opens in late 2008 to $65 million, moviegoer's dreams will be haunted by cellulite thigh-dimples so convincing they'll think we hollowed out a morbidly obese grandmother and dropped him into her skin. It's gonna be amazing."
2. The Game Plan - $11.506 million
We knew that the The Rock's reign as box office champ wasn't likely to continue for a third consecutive week, but that doesn't make his fall from the top spot hurt us any less. To help take some of the sting out of it, we're going to watch this clip of the wrestler-turned-second-tier- action-hero-turned-cuddly-family-comedy-star showing off the chops that catapulted him to Hollywood dominance during two very slow weeks in early October.
3. Michael Clayton - $11.010 million
With no Ocean's Fourteen on the horizon to satisfy his "one blockbuster for you, three passion projects for me" deal with Hollywood, George Clooney is going to need to find a new mainstream franchise to fund his quirkier, less commercial cinematic pursuits. Perhaps he'll hit up buddy Matt Damon for a role in the next Bourne movie so that he can go on to direct whatever black-and-white period piece has been haunting him since cashing his last Ocean's paycheck.
4. We Own The Night - $11 million
We fear that we may never get around to seeing We Own the Night after accidentally scanning the film's spoiler-rich plot keyword page that includes the following categories: Shot in the Head/Loss of Father/Shot in the Chest/Suicide/Police Officer Killed/Undercover Cop/Hidden Identity.
5. The Heartbreak Kid - $7.425 million
Similarly, this revealing IMDb plot keyword will probably keep us away from Kid: Stay Home And Watch There's Something About Mary on Cable.