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In his weekly column in Variety, trade paper potentate Peter Bart dashes off a memo to Matt Damon, hoping to assist the privacy-cherishing megastar in cultivating a public persona somewhere between the "boring and elusive" one he's established by keeping a deliberately low media profile and the tabloid-torment-attracting model developed by the more outgoing characters occupying the genitalia-flashing, DUI-collecting end of the celebrity spectrum. Bart, striving for answers, engages in some deskchair psychoanalysis: Is Damon afraid of a Affleckian career flameout if fans gain US Weekly-supplied information about his daily Starbucks runs? [Ed.note—Please, Jesus, let Matt be a caramel macchiato man!] Does he fear that no one will believe he can kill ten double-agents with nothing more than a soggy phonebook if they know too much about his fancy-boy Harvard education? Probes Bart:

In your GQ interview, you suggest that if your public knew much about your background and personal life, they might have a difficult time accepting you as a tough guy — indeed, a killer — in your "Bourne" movies. Should you be that defensive about your privileged background? Humphrey Bogart and Lee Marvin both played tough guys yet came from prep school backgrounds, and I don't remember them apologizing about it.

Living in denial seems mildly pathological, Matt. In a recent interview, Christian Bale, another charter member of the give-me-privacy club, acknowledged that he routinely lies to reporters on those rare occasions when he is cornered. Asked by The Los Angeles Times why he does so, he replied, "I have no desire for people to get their facts right about me." Does Bale have such a riveting story to hide? I doubt it.

I'll give you this, Matt: Amid the media onslaught, it has become much more difficult for stars (or public figures in general) to maintain their dignity — or their integrity. Would much of the media be downright thrilled if you had a few too many and launched into a public rant against some minority group? Damn right they would. A forced trip to rehab under a police escort would make a good piece on "Extra."

Still, there's got to be a middle ground between the Life of Lohan and "boring and elusive." I'd like to think you can stake out a piece of that ground, Matt, and look like you're enjoying yourself a little more.

Look at Clooney: The Limbaughs of the hard right have made him a whipping boy, but he still seems to be out there, having a great time and making some meaningful movies.

Think Clooney, Matt. Brando is so not today's role model, either in terms of behavior or heft.

While all of this seems like a backdoor invitation to join Bart and TV partner Peter Guber for a penetrating discussion about the privacy-for-fame tradeoff made by A-list actors on Sunday Morning Shootout, we nevertheless hope Damon heeds some of the above advice: We'd much rather see the Most Likable Movie Star On Earth evolve into a Clooney-style personality who intelligently plays the Hollywood game than into a Brandoesque recluse who, ten years hence, shows up to the set of Ocean's Eighteen pantsless and three-hundred pounds overweight, and demanding that the script notes his favorite Polynesian houseboy offered as they ran lines in his trailer be immediately integrated into that day's shoot.