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We enjoy nothing more on the day after the Emmys than to check in with Bravo executive Andy Cohen, on whom we can invariably rely for an uncensored, eyewitness take on the proceedings. Sadly, there is none of the ebullient, "Wowza!!!!!!" -chanting Andy of nomination day in today's post, as much of the air appears to have been taken out of his sails by the roughly 80 people who accepted last night in his category for The Amazing Race. It was a bitter defeat that brought out an ugly side to the blogging bon vivant, who manages in a matter of just a few sentences to disparage such universally beloved figures as America Ferrera, Helen Mirren, and the show's sexually ambiguous, label-divining host:

During the retardando "Jersey Boys" tribute to the "Sopranos", a colleague emailed me "help!". I couldn't agree more. When you're in the house, they play clips from Emmys past during commercial breaks. The clips only made me depressed that I wasn't there to see MTM and Harvey Korman and Isabel Sanford and Lucy.

I really really don't give a crap about America Ferrara [sic] or "Lost" or Helen freakin' Mirren, so the clips just reminded me of a time in the way past that I loved every single TV show. By the way, don't show us your boobs Helen Mirren. Just please don't.

Ryan Seacrest seemed to bomb in the house. I wonder if it was the same at home. I think he's good at his ten jobs, but they should've either gotten him great writers or had him absolutely not stab at humor.

We all took a shot from a flask of whiskey before our category. Then we lost and, oddly, did not have another.

We don't for a moment expect Cohen to appreciate the allure of a premium snow cougar like Helen Mirren, but we must say we're entirely shocked that he would target the humble Ferrera, whose landmark win represented a significant step towards greater acceptance for heavyset girls, orthodontic patients, poncho wearers, and countless other disenfranchised subgroups. We can only hope Andy's funk dissipates before he allows it to seep into other projects, and interrupts one-balled Top Chef ejectee CJ on a Watch What Happens by shouting, "Oh, who really cares about your Padma crush! We're just going to end up losing next year to The Amazingly Gay Race anyway," before scampering off the set in tears.