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Why can't virtual worlds just die a quiet, dignified death? Because Businessweek Online has proclaimed them the future of the Internet, that's why. Google, IBM and Second Life creator Linden Lab are currently plotting to turn the entire World Wide Web into a virtual world. God help us all. Picture this: You go on a virtual shopping trip with virtual representations of your virtual friends to virtually try on jeans that you can buy on the virtual spot. After your avatar finishes her modeling spree, you can — *gasp* — brave the sunlight to purchase the exact same pair in a brick-and-mortar store. Never mind that your avatar is 10 sizes smaller than the real you. Details.


We already spend too much time on the Internet. Transforming the convenience of one-click shopping into a time-consuming, computer-crashing trek through a virtual mall is an idea that only someone with a bunch of servers to sell could love.

The scheme to merge real worlds and virtual ones, of course, solves Second Life's virtual-ghost-town problem: Real-life stores could reflect actual crowds in their virtual counterparts, which would mask the fact that no one actually wants to log on to shop. If this comes to pass, we could say that Second Life's stores are so popular, no one goes there anymore — and mean it.

Another part of the plan: Let people take avatars from one world to another. As hilarious as the notion of lame Second Life characters getting mowed down by an army of trolls in World of Warcraft is, it's unlikely to happen. There's quite a technological barrier to open world access. First, a whole bunch of standards need to be established on stitching the worlds together. Linden Lab thinks it's going to take two years just to release its software code so other people can build on top of it.

Hopefully, by that time, people will come to their sense and realize that the best thing about the Internet is that it lets you get things done faster. So you can tend to your first life, not live a second one.