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On this most magical of Monday mornings, carefully remove your wizard's robe, drape it over the back of your desk chair, and begin your week of toiling for Hollywood's version of Lord Voldemort by taking a tour of the weekend's box office numbers:

1. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix—$77.410 million
[Warning! The following may contain spoilers...] Despite dealing with the most mature subject matter in the blockbuster franchise's history, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix has far outpaced earlier installments in taking in $140 million in its first five days of release.

It seems that as pre-teen audiences have grown along with Harry, they're better emotionally equipped to deal with the more adult situations facing their hero in his fifth year at Hogwarts, such as the wizard's awkward, wand-wetting physical encounter with longtime crush Cho Chang, as well as a controversial scene (pictured) in which visiting Defense Against the Dark Seductive Arts professor Mr. Weasley prepares Potter for his erotically charged final confrontation with He Who Must Not Be Named.

(And no, there is no way we could resist using that photo again. We may start putting it on every post, regardless of its relation to Pottermania, for the rest of the summer.)

2. Transformers—$36 million
Sadly, the brief plot synopsis for Transformers 2 leaked to IMDb has been pulled, temporarily dashing our hopes for a sequel climaxing in the most amazing and unexpected transformation in the history of Giant Fucking Robot cinema.

3. Ratatouille—$18.019 million
We can always count on Box Office Mojo to place a movie's success in the proper genre context: with $143 million in 17 days, Ratatouille has surpassed Stuart Little "as the top-grossing rodent-themed picture on record.

4. Live Free or Die Hard—$10.875 million
But where else can one see the star of Die Hard doing what he does best this summer? At the Kennedy Space Center, where Bruce Willis and the Bruce Willis Blues Band will bring awareness to NASA's asteroid-preparedness program with a concert and special screening of Armageddon.

12. Captivity—$1.550 million
Even after erecting a series of offensive, protest-inducing billboards and throwing the most self-consciously outrageous premiere party...ever!, After Dark Films provocateur Courtney Solomon finds himself unable to break free of the box office ghetto. He'll now turn his attention to upping the evil ante for the DVD release party, which will help raise awareness for his disappointing labor of torture-porn love through a well-publicized human sacrifice performed in the courtyard of Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Protesters should be receiving their invitations to the event shortly.