Celery Is The New Rolled-Up $100 Bill

Since parenthetical poet Melena Ryzik of the New York Times acknowledged the re-rise of coke in New York, we figured that soon artsy Brooklyn ski bums would combine the trendy worlds of epicureanism and recreational drug use. In the July issue of Gourmet, we learn of the existence of celery straws, hollow tubules of celery that are exactly nostril-size! Say farewell to that moment of hesitation when you ponder the hygienic implications of shoving a tightly-rolled bill up your nose. Now you can get your coke with just 15 calories and 2 grams of dietary fiber.