In a blatant bid for "most-emailed" status, the Times has published an article about whether some cars are more homosexual than others. Well, it's a step up from all those "College: Will Your Child Get In, Or Did You Fuck Up Your Life And Hers?" articles! Anyway, "Gay By Design, or a Lifestyle Choice" left some questions unanswered. So we asked them of a Gay.

Memily: "Mr. Johnson maintains that "soft lines" and a "vibrant personality" — say like those on a Volkswagen New Beetle — are typical attributes of a gay man's car."
Story: I can't... this ARTICLE!!! I... How can it be?
Memily: I ask the questions here, gay. Besides soft lines and a vibrant personality, what are some other typical attributes of a gay man's car, in your experience?
Story: I like a car to have a kind of shelf-like ass, myself. And nipples. nipples are good.
Memily: Hmm, you mean like a hatchback Volvo? Actually that sounds too lesbian.
Story: It does. Very Berkeley-adjacent Oakland. I was thinking more of a certain type of mid-90's Honda. Or maybe that's for the rice queens. Was that racist? Or *about* racism?
Memily: Oh definitely the latter.
Story: I can never tell these days.
Memily: Oh! Well, here is how to tell! Before you say a thing, ask yourself: Am I from some marginalized group that could be argued to have struggled some struggle parallel to that of the group I'm maybe-maligning? If the the answer is "yes," you're in the clear.
Story: That is one nifty guide. Did you go to Bennington or something?
Memily: Close!
Story: I mostly love that this article notes that Meghan Daum still has a job. But anyway. Yes?
Memily: Randall Jarrell's Pictures From An Institution has been argued to be about Bennington OR Kenyon. Fun fact!
Story: That fact is fun!
Memily: N E ways. The best thing about this article (and yeah, Meghan Daum, WTF?) is that it's all about how gays, because they're selfish, have more money and buy fancier cars (unless they're lesbians in which case they buy Subarus). But then this is how it ends: "On Gaywheels.com, one indicator of actual gay buying trends is the list of vehicles most frequently researched. As of last October, the Toyota Yaris, a $12,000 economy car, led that list, followed by the Toyota Camry, which was the No. 3-selling car in America last year. It would be hard to find a more conventional automobile. " So are gays, like... Just Like Us?
Story: Oh, I love the "facts at the end of the trend piece as a stealthy retraction" principle.
Memily: Well, clearly. My friend Lori has a Yaris. She calls it "Yari" because she used to have another car called "Carry."
Story: Ha!
Memily She's straight though. Mostly!
Story: GayWheels.com is owned by the delightfully named "Targeted Diversity Marketing, LLC."
Memily That's where all the money is these days! Targeting things to diversity.
Story: That's what we're all about too! Also their publisher is like a hot version of Andrew Sullivan.

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Memily: That's weirdly not hard to imagine. Oh, look, now I don't have to! Um, "hot." He looks like he might drive a Subaru, dude.
Story: Whatever. I'm lonely. I HAVE NO CAR.
Memily: Aw, me neither. But then, I'm heterosexual, so it's clearly not as important to my identity.
Story: You're not diverse. You just murdered Princess Di.
Memily: Nah, I would have needed a car for that!
Story: At least one.
Memily: So. Gays drive. Now we know.
Story: I would like to say this though: I feel like this gay car thing sort of resembles the infamous dolphin.sex.fag. Err FAQ. excuse me! I don't know why they resemble each other, but perhaps it's that they're both parodies of something.
Memily: I don't know what you're talking about YET AGAIN.
Story: N00B. http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphin…
Memily: Yeah, I guess it would have been weird for me to know about this when I was fifteen.
Story: You'll be old one day soon. But not, apparently, gay.

Gay By Design? [NYT]