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As you grab your head, trying to fight back the waves of nausea still lingering after Saturday's debauchery long enough to remember where you buried that leprechaun's body—hey, he looked like a leprechaun after that tenth whiskey—take a few moments to review the weekend box office numbers. They'll fix you right up. They always do.

1. 300—$31 million
Despite a precipitous drop-off from last weekend's stunning $70 million opening (it's OK—obsessive Hellenic history fans are notorious for rushing to theaters to see operatically homoerotic, CGI-enhanced reenactments of their favorite historical battles), Warner Bros. is already rushing a sequel into production. The tentatively titled 301 will be ninety minutes of nothing but beautifully rendered, comic book panel-inspired images of Sparta's fiercest warrior and a leftover Persian interloper repeatedly stabbing each other in their perfectly sculpted abs. Predicted opening weekend: $85 million, summer of 2009.

2. Wild Hogs—$18.825 million
We'd be depressed that Wild Hogs has so quickly crossed the $100 million milestone, but having to occasionally think about this movie over the past three weeks has already made us too dead inside to really care.

3. Premonition—$18 million
It seems crazy to say this, but Premonition is actually Sandra Bullock's strongest opening ever—eclipsing even career-defining blockbusters like Hope Floats and Practical Magic.

4. Dead Silence—$7.771 million
We'll have to do a little research and figure out what that Sandra Bullock movie is about first, but we're pretty sure our bold prediction of last week has come to pass: Dead SIlence is the number one ventriloquism-related horror movie of the weekend of March 17th! Amazing!

5. I Think I Love My Wife—$5.715 million
Strange...Chris Rock remaking an Eric Rohmer film seemed like such a commercial slam dunk when it was announced. Executives at Fox Searchlight are surely meaningfully rubbing their chins this morning, baffled by trying to figure out what might have gone wrong between surefire conception and ultimately disappointing execution.