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Michelle Rodriguez, who last year found her Lost character falling victim to a network-president-ordered /showrunner-sanctioned hit, is no stranger to the wrong side of the law, having served time both in LA and Hawaii for various well-publicized DUI offenses. "But what's her side of the story?" you've not likely asked yourself. The Lost Blog guides us to Rodriguez's own site, where she finally opens up about the rough justice she suffered at the hands of the corrupt American penal system that forced her to do 4 hours and 27 minutes of a 60-day sentence. It's all in there: The cockroach droppings! The alcohol-sensing robo-bracelet! The disparity between TV and film payscales! Read on, if you dare:

I was on the phone with my agents back and forth for about a week straight on the subject of getting off the show due to the fact that I had to be injected with steroids every two weeks so I wouldn't look like a hive infested chipmunk every morning. I'm highly allergic to cockroach resin, dust mites, and mold, three elements that are prevalent in Oahu. [...]

We get stopped driving like 15 miles an hour down a 35 to 40 mph road. I cry, this sucks ass, I get over it take pictures with some cops at precinct on their camera phone, take a breathalyzer and go home a couple of hours later. I hire some lawyer from hawaii, loose my 28 acres of land and my home in jersey paying him off, just so I can get the same treatment I would have gotten from a public defender. I realized my payday in movies was way better than T.V. at that moment....

I do my time in L.A., i get out in a couple of hours because they only have room for real criminals like killers, drug dealers, and rapists. I pay fines, do my community service, and I get a sentence to wear a bracelet for three months. The bracelet is to detect liquor content in your sweat every half hour it takes a reading using some split fuel cell type technology. I go to get this thing put on and I realize this thing is like a freaking VCR, and why do they care If I drink, what am I gonna do, drink and walk over someone, I have no license...I think that level of vigilance is great for alcoholics, druggies, and heroin attics. Yet I felt for someone like me, who loves her life too much too f*ck it up for a sip of a beverage, this level of control just isn't necessary.

In a perfect world, this life/she-vampire/armpit-loving actress would be liberated from the Patrón-sniffing shackles of her totalitarian tormentors, leaving her free to frequent whichever establishments she chooses—Teddy's, for example, where she was spotted the same day she was released from jail—while demonstrating her formidable will power by abstaining from indulging in even a single "sip of a beverage."