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With precious few days remaining before sufficiently convincing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stand-ins distract the media at a staged wedding ceremony in Rome on Saturday long enough for the real couple to complete their marriage vows on the Betrothal Deck of a Scientology-owned yacht in front of a phalanx of sailor-suited, tazer- and fishing-net-wielding witnesses (they've learned more effective bride-retention techniques after Penelope Cruz proved to be both quick and a superior swimmer), the tabloids are scrambling to discover the decoy event's star-studded guest list. Today's Page Six reports that onetime Cruise nemesis and postpartum depression sufferer Brooke Shields has made the cut, whom Holmes quickly befriended after the serendipitous discovery that Shields gave birth to her second child just a few doors down from where her own delivery of Suri allegedly took place:

OPRAH Winfrey wasn't invited to the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes wedding in Italy, but Brooke Shields was, our sources say. Shields and Holmes became best friends after Holmes gave birth to baby Suri - and after Cruise publicly apologized to Shields for slamming her for taking antidepressants for her postpartum depression, a Scientology no-no. While some say Shields is being used to help repair Cruise's tarnished image, Shields doesn't seem to care and our insider said she is going to attend this weekend's nuptials. A rep for Cruise declined comment; a rep for Shields didn't return calls.

Whether the invitation is part of Cruise's ongoing image rehabilitation campaign or a magnanimous gesture meant to heal the wounds of the past, Shields should still avoid avoid wandering around the ceremony unattended, lest she find herself quickly escorted to an isolated room, where a pair of "ushers" would search her purse for the contraband anti-depressants that they claim she was planning to use to taint the ceremony's water supply with dangerous mind-poison.