Tragically Optimistic Katie Holmes Buys Lacy Underthings For Honeymoon Night
With this Saturday's alleged betrothal of fledgling studio mogul Tom Cruise to Katie Holmes, the woman he personally—personally!—enslaved for the purpose of being the incubating vessel in which he would grow a daughter produced from the DNA culled from the finest physical specimens of the army of drones who dust his legendary collection of vintage e-meters at his Beverly Hills compound, the gossip columns are ensuring that no aspect of the couple's last-minute preparations will go unreported. This morning, The Scoop, obviously assisted by a lingerie-shop proprietor eager to have her boutique become the "It" shopping destination for actresses treating themselves to some lacy underthings before dazedly processing down the aisle and towards the final step of their self-nullification, details items allegedly purchased by Holmes in anticipation of her wedding night:
Among the purchases: a Chantilly lace bridal collection, reports a source. Among the goodies: a bra
Additionally, Holmes picked out a silk nightgown with a matching robe trimmed with ostrich feathers that set her back $620, a lace bra with Swarovski crystals for $380 and matching thong with crystals for $175, as well as two sets of silk pajamas and matching robes at $425 each.
They weren't all white — and they certainly weren't virginal," says the source. "But she's a mom, so I guess that's appropriate."that cost $440, a $340 thong, a garter belt for $220, and silk stockings that went for $95 — for a total of $1,190.
Holmes, we suspect, is merely hoping for a moment of feeling pretty on her first night as a bride in her ostrich-feathered robe and crystal-encrusted bra and thong set, savoring her lingerie-enhanced femininity before Cruise brusquely enters their honeymoon suite, locks her inside the Consummation Chamber, and informs her that he'll be back to let her out in no fewer than seven hours, as previously detailed in their personal services contract. But as she lies back and tries not to think too much about what awaits her once the apparatus has properly prepared her for a lifetime of devoted servitude, the soft whirring of unseen mechanisms won't be able to drown out the nagging thought,"Would it kill him to say, 'You look nice, Kate?' Just once, when there are no cameras around?"
