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Insults at Mario Batali's celeb roast at Capitale last night ranged from lame: "What are you trying to be, the Chris Farley of the Food Network?" — to slightly less lame: "You look like Kiefer Sutherland after he was stung by bees." But one zinger actually made us LOL — and it's courtesy of mild-mannered Queer Eye (remember those guys?) Ted Allen, of all people:

"He drinks beer, feeds all day, is constantly getting massages from transvestite hookers — basically, Mario is a Kobe human ... Don't expect to see him in the kitchen at Babbo though. Mario hasn't actually cooked since 1979 — unless you count freebasing."

Ohhh, snap! Snapdiddlydap!

Mario Batali Is A Kobe Human [Grub Street]
Earlier: Mario Batali: Not Molto?