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Mere seconds after we'd posted our earlier item about Tom Cruise's circling of various projects in which to possibly make his splashy return to the ranks of working actors, we saw that Us Weekly has gone truly, madly, deeply exclusive with the news that Cruise has finally picked the day on which he will make an honest war bride of the woman he plucked from a promising acting career, quickly imprisoned within the walls of his impenetrable Beverly Hills compound, and ordered impregnated by his finest team of genetic technicians. Let the world observe a day-long moment of silence for Katie Holmes on November 18th, the date on which she will ceremonially turn herself over to her couch-brutalizing captor:

Us has learned exclusively that guests were notified late in the day to be free the weekend of November 16-19. The couple's rep, Arnold Robinson, confirms the wedding will take place November 18 in Italy—"All those details are correct," he says—and tells Us "proper security measures are being taken" to keep the vows private.

Of course, we have to at least entertain the possibility that Cruise's wily rep is revealing the date and general location only for the purpose of sending the entire Celebrity Weekly Industrial Complex on a budget-draining wild goose chase through Italy, while Cruise and Holmes quietly celebrate with their closest handlers in the Silent Wedding chamber he's had installed in his basement.

[Photo: Getty Images]