From Russia With The Kind Of Love That Doesn't Involve Inappropriate Touching
We should have known Russia was behind the times when we unearthed a largely cyrillic Olsen Twins Jailbait Countdown page whose clock still showed 12 years to go. But, today, there's further proof that the rubble from the fall of Communism choked off Mother Russia's pop-culture outlets: Photos posted by JJB reveal that the country's Bouton Fashion House recently debuted a collection inspired by and dedicated to Michael Jackson — but not the baby-dangling, scarf-swaddled bandit of our nation's innocence we know today; no, their ideal of the King of Pop is firmly rooted back (waaay back) when he was merely "Bad" but not yet baptising children with the velvet caress of some Jesus Juice.
For your nostalgic enjoyment: There's a black military-themed jumpsuit, aviator shades, and golden nut sling ensemble (pictured here for those of you who adore the cozy cocoon of a banana hammock); other gems include a tight striped tuxedo with a ruffled shirt and fedora; a "King Of Pop belt" for all occasions paired with a snap-crotch bodysuit guaranteed to cause a maximum of chafing and bathroom inconvenience; and of course, a red officer's jacket worn with nothing but tights.
We find this all the more charmingly fashion-backward given that Jackson himself has long since adopted the bold sartorial approach of repurposing burqas and dowdy frocks for his new career as a faded pop star and full-time recluse. Indeed, the last thing we need is Jackson himself investigating the breezy comfort of a short coat over tights. But maybe this throwback show will do one great thing for society: By reminding one Ms. Britney Spears of the concept of "glory days," she may stop barreling toward Door No. 2 and consider a revival of her own long-dead image of hygenic, half-naked fun.
