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That hissing sound you hear is the razor-sharp talon of Anna Nicole Smith, which has just punctured our hopes that she would take her finger off the morphine IV long enough to reconsider sticking her baby daughter with the name "Dannielynn."

According to a copy of the birth certificate smuggled to TMZ.com in a bottle of cheap Bahamian rum (seeing it is so much more fulfilling than merely reading about it, don't you think?), Anna Nicole not only went ahead with what seems to be a tragically misspelled tribute to her deceased son Daniel, but officially lists her attorney and semi-professional husbitch Howard K. Stern as the child's father, and goes so far as to give Dannielynn his surname.

The helpless baby's full name is Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern; we can't fathom where "Hope" came from —probably a reference to Anna praying those TrimSpa ads will make it to her new home country, so she can slur hilariously at parties, "Do you like my baaaaaaaby?" — but "Marshall" pays homage to Smith's ex-husband/fossil J. Howard Marshall. After all, it's his millions that are very thoughtfully paying for Clan Smith-Stern to move to the Bahamas, which is listed on the certificate as the family's permanent address. We're sure the move has nothing to do with avoiding Larry Birkhead, his paternity claims, and his failure to realize that claiming you've fertilized a woman who sweats Vicodin isn't going to get him laid again. No, Anna Nicole just wants to be with her real friends — two swaying palm trees that, in her pill stupor, she named Alfred and Spank, calling them "real sexy good listening types."