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A surfeit of leisure time can lead to all sorts of self- and outwardly-destructive behavior, as best evidenced by the Drunken Stepfather blog's recent social experiment in which he sent foulmouthed text messages to the suspiciously acquired numbers of some blue chip celebutards, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Richie among them. When his initial dispatches, addressed to a fictional (we hope) love interest named Brenda, received nary a response, Drunken knew he had to up his game. (Translation: Alert them to the "12 warts bundled together" on his penis). And while even that continued to be ignored by the likes of Hilton and Lohan—after all, they receive dozens of those types of revelations from their gentlemen callers per week—Richie eventually thumb-typed out a furious response. From their exchange:

Nicole Richie: WTF are you talking about? This is not Brenda and loose the number u looser.

DS: Brenda, we've gone through this so many times. Why do you always pretend to be someone else. It is annoying. Good job spelling loser wrong. Genius way to trick me. Speaking of trick, remember that halloween you dressed like Geordie Laforge? Loose this Number Looser. :)

NR: Get a Life Dear

Drunken Stepfather: Texting you is my life right now. My computer hates me....I can only assume that you are mad about the genital warts. It's not like I gave them to you. Stop pickin' a fight and smile. Asshole.

NR: If u are this obsessed with me you should join my fanclub. By the way your number will be blocked from reaching this number by the end of today. You've officially ruined it for yourself

DS: Ruined what? What is your fan club? I guess we aren't going on our red lobster date.

Despite not specifying how Stepfather's friendly missives and dermatological updates had "officially ruined it"—or, for that matter, what "it" was—we can imagine Richie's callous dismissal only drove him deeper into the bottle, with the remainder of the evening spent scratching her eyes out of a stack of Us Weekly's with an Exacto knife. As for the "fanclub," a little research turned up little by way of a physical address, though we did locate her MySpace "OFFICIAL FAN PAGE!", a virtual community dedicated to the wonder that is Nicole, where you can browse the latest, "YAYYYY!!!"-heavy fan-nouncements to the strains of her haunting ballad, "Dandelion."