George Clooney Unveils Surprisingly Compassionate Plan To Foil Paparazzi And The Magazines That Abet Them
Having recently survived a life-threatening case of in-flight food poisoning on the trip back from a humanitarian mission in Darfur, noted actorvist George Clooney has been doing some soul-searching about how to best employ the considerable influence afforded by his worldwide notoriety. But after a brief effort trying to raise awareness of the ongoing genocide in the Sudan proved insufficiently fulfilling, Clooney's deeper appreciation of his own mortality has led him to rededicate his remaining, precious days to the cause he finds most ennobling: celebrity privacy rights. The AP reports on the actor's latest campaign to foil those who would document the comings and goings of the famous, born out of this newfound commitment to an issue he holds dear:
"Here is my theory on debunking photographs in magazines, you know, the paparazzi photographs," Clooney says in the November issue of Vanity Fair, on newsstands Oct. 10. "I want to spend every single night for three months going out with a different famous actress. You know, Halle Berry one night, Salma Hayek the next, and then walk on the beach holding hands with Leonardo DiCaprio.
"People would still buy the magazines, they'd still buy the pictures, but they would always go, `I don't know if these guys were putting us on or not.'"
Unlike Clooney's previous, somewhat half-baked scheme to devalue the privacy-infringing celebrity sightings submitted to blogs, he seems to have thought this one through: not only does his tabloid destabilization plan account for romantic-entanglement rumors of both the heterosexual and homosexual variety, it also endeavors to maintain the economics of the multibillion-dollar Hollywood-obsession industry. Clearly, the compassionate Clooney recognizes that real people snap his picture as he collects his vehicle at the valet stand and staff the magazines that eventually print the corresponding "Stars: They Drive Their Own Cars, Just Like Us!" features, and that putting them out of work would likely just give rise to a different set of celebrity-related social ills.
