Anna Nicole Smith Doesn't Like To Think Of It As 'Losing A Son,' So Much as 'Gaining A Husband'

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seth

09/28/06 07:45PM

Filed to: Anna Nicole Smith

This image was lost some time after publication.

While we're rusty on the various stages of grieving—we know denial and anger are in there somewhere—we're almost certain that "quickie marriage aboard a party boat just a few miles from where your 20-year-old son died weeks before" is not among them. And yet, that appears to be exactly how Anna Nicole Smith is processing yesterday's toxicology report findings that Daniel Smith died of a drug overdose: by marrying Howard K. Stern, the lawyer/daddy figure/creepy lurking presence in her life who just days ago told Larry King he fathered her baby. Star magazine has the exclusive:

In a world-exclusive report, an eyewitness tells Star that Anna, 38, and Howard, 37, tied the knot shortly before 10:30 am on the morning of September 28, while sailing on a white catamaran off of Nassau! "There was heavy security around the yacht, plus extra speedboats to deliver more supplies as needed (including unlimited Dom Perignon champagne) from the mainland to the catamaran," says the eyewitness, who adds that the wedding party celebrated the union afterwards by having a swim party around the yacht — "and Anna was wearing a pink bikini! Later on, she changed into a colorful, one-piece suit with a wrap around her waist."

While Star's "eyewitness" appears to have a knack for playing up the inappropriately festive elements of the alleged nuptials, we'll refrain from commenting on the floating carnival until photographic evidence should surface, or when we hear a recording from a local, Bahamian party planner's voice mail of Anna Nicole asking, "So how much Dom Perignon, pink bikinis, balloon animals and ice cream cake can I get for $600,000?"

WORLD EXCLUSIVE! ANNA NICOLE SMITH WEDS HOWARD K. STERN! [StarMagazine.com via Gawker]

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

Cutting Makes You Sexy seth 09/28/06 07:59PM

Fuckmesideways. This still is the most depressing topic to me, and now that I know what really happened, I'm going to go suck down a bottle of lukewark JB in the corner for the rest of the afternoon. Fuck.

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A very special episode of CSI: Nassau

A stripper, turned Guess model, turned money-grubbing billionaire-Cuckold loses her 20 year old son to a lethal combination of Methadone, and anti-depressants and weeks later marries the only other man that was presumed to be in the room at the time of his death.

Cut to interrogation room:

DETECTIVE: Ms. Nicole. How did your son get the Methadone? Most of his friends said he was a pretty straight-laced kid?

SMITH: I don't know, I never known him to do anything.

DETECTIVE: Don't you have a prescription to Methadone for, um… let's see (flips through manila folder) pain killer addiction?

SMITH: Yes, but…

DETECTIVE: Well, the bottle we found was empty. Did you take them all Ms. Smith?

SMITH: No! No. Gosh. I should have had four left. Daniel didn't even know I had those, and he wouldn't have stolen them from me!

DETECTIVE: Was there anyone else that had access to them, or knew that you were taking them?

SMITH: Just… just, my lawyer.

(A fast forward montage of the happy moment when Smith's baby was born, then finding Daniel unresponsive in the hospital room, her attempt to save him, the selling of his last pictures by the urging of her lawyer for $600k, her lawyers interview on Larry King, then a party boat peppered with flying dollar bills, a pink bikini, and spraying bottles of Dom.)

SMITH: Oh my god. My son.

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This. Is. So. Sad.

miamoi seth 09/30/06 03:34AM

In response to what 'Cutting Makes You Sexy' posted:

I'm thinking along those same lines. Perhaps the pills were pulvorized and put into a drink that was given/consumed by the son. It's either that, or the fact that Daniel was her only 'REAL' confindant and her excruciating need to have someone fulfill this role in her life, immediately. It seems that she was very co-dependent on her son. Perhaps this pressure caused Daniel emotional issues and made him incapable of handing situations in his own life, hence the anti-depressants taken to deal with a break up.

Nonetheless, that gal ain't right in the head; her past proves this 10 times over. She got too damned happy, too fast for me. If the son had died in the states, the local state goverment could have sued her. There would have been more pressure, impositon and interrogation inorder to bring the truth to light. I don't think we'll ever know the truth. The Bahamian government doesn't care about matters of wrong doing concerning foreigners - barely of their own people. Their focus is strickly 'tourism'.

I feel so bad for the son, seemed like the ideal son, and a good person. Some parent's don't deserve beautiful, well-behaved kids. May he rest in peace.

LLH seth 09/29/06 04:28AM

wow. that sleazy cracked-out piss poor excuse for a lawyer (does he even practice law?) has out dumbed the trailer trash, marrying the queen bee of them all. come on, really folks, who DIDN'T see this coming. i'm shocked it took so long to be honest. that well timed, "sincere" interview with larry king really had me fooled. um, sure. funny how the tabloid slut would be the first to pee in a cup to see if he's the baby daddy but ole'sterny needs to have that there court order to do it. hmm. it's a toss up. ewe. i said 'toss'

slongo seth 09/29/06 08:51AM

"...the various stages of grieving..." include BARGAINING (with God or whatever). Maybe this represents a form of "I'll change my life if nothing bad ever happens to me again." She went from a divorcee/widow with 2 single-parent kids to a wife with a baby daughter in a two parent family. A radical response to a radical twist of fate. Maybe it will help. I feel bad for her and hopeful, regardless of her chronic poor decision making skills in the past. Granted she's made a spectacle of herself but who knows?