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• In a LAPD investigation into the robbery of Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, his pal Paris Hilton tells an officer, "Like I really...I don't remember. I'm not like that smart." But at least you're smart enough to know it, honey! [Page Six]
• Consider this the start of our unofficial campaign against Jack Nicholson: after having to read about him having a three-way, now Rolling Stone has a whole cover story on how sexy the man is. Is anyone actually looking at him when they write these things?! [RS]
• Freelance photog Larry Birkhead, who is supposedly the father of Anna Nicole Smith's newborn child, denies getting paid for doing his recent slew of interviews on infotainment shows. On the contrary, the proverbial insiders say he's making bank. And so what? Isn't this modern family built on exploitation? [Lowdown]
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson venture to a public venue, and now OMG THEY'RE TOTALLY IN LOVE AND GETTING MARRIED AWW. [People]
• Basic Instinct and Showgirls screenwriter Joe Eszterhas spreads his dirty-old-man gospel. [R&M]
• Drew Barrymore bounces, disappoints. [TMZ]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie fight over games of Scrabble. At least she's acting her age. [Sun UK]
• Brent Stirton has been revealed as the "super-secret" photographer who snapped those pricey pics of Brangelina and Shiloh. Nice job, dude. Pity you couldn't come out until your moment had long passed. [PDN]