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Realizing, like Survivor, that their own, aging CBS series could use a little free publicity by way of a headline-grabbing controversy, the producers of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation wisely opted out of launching a spinoff entitled CSI: Black People, and instead cast Vanilla Ice-channeling couchhusband Kevin Federline in a guest-starring role. (Plot details are under wraps, though we hear he plays a murder victim ironically strangled to death in his sleep with his own wife-beater by the wealthy dimwit he's been sponging off for years.) Arrangements had been made to give People the exclusive non-story, but a leak occurred, resulting in a stern missive from CBS' publicity department being issued to the entire "CSI Team." A Defamer operative forwarded the e-mail to us:

Dear CSI Team —

In an ongoing effort to effectively publicize the show in the best way possible, we wanted to re-remind you of a press point.

At no time should anyone from production speak to the press — even if it's off the record — without either alerting or getting the go-ahead from someone on the PR team.

Unfortunately, on Friday the well laid plans for announcing Kevin Federline's guest appearance on CSI were thwarted when another publication (not People Magazine who had the exclusive) got confirmation of his guest appearance from the production side. We were able to salvage some of the 'exclusive' that we gave People Magazine, but we had announce [sic] it late Friday evening on People.com, as opposed to the original timing of late this morning.

Again, if the press should get through to you at anytime — please forward them immediately to [names redacted] so we don't compromise our relationship with the press.

If we missed sending this to anyone on the email, please forward it along. We appreciate your efforts in working together with us.

Thank you!

We hope the CSI crew has learned a valuable lesson from this leaked-exclusive fiasco, and that it won't be necessary to re-re-remind them that right up there with their typical duties, such as shooting, editing, set-dressing, wardrobe, and payroll, they should be taking great precautions to ensure that every shittily-acted, impending stunt-cameo remains highly classified until otherwise notified.