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Frustrated that her publicist's immediate denial of Us Weekly's cover story about her alleged, mile-high engagement to suspiciously convenient companion Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston did what a famous person who finds that her Approved Message isn't getting traction must do: She gave Her Side of the Story, Guys to a glossy competitor. But in the middle of whining to People about the cruel lies perpetuated by a hostile faction of the Celebrity Weekly Industrial Complex, Aniston apparently decided to take down the whole fucking system:

"My dad calls and he says, 'Honey, it's on the CNN crawl,' and I'm going, 'Wait a second!' When it starts to travel over into the Today show and CNN and supposedly reliable and accurate news programs, then you just go, 'This is insane.' People are getting fed a lot of bull." [...]

"Tabloids are going to lie all the time. You're prepared for that. But it's the news. And you think, 'Well, we need to trust what our newscasters are saying when we have this horrific situation that's actually taking place in the world, I mean, we are getting reported the truth, right?'

"The American people need to believe (the news)," Aniston says. "Please. Get it together. So that's all."

We're just grateful that Aniston found some supermarket checkout rack freedom fighters willing to get out her message. Without independent thinkers like the staff of People, the citizens of the world might never know they're sleepwalking through a Tabloid Matrix of Us Weekly's creation.