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When an actor facing his sixties decides it's time to accessorize his midlife-crisis Lamborghini and neck-wattle reduction surgeries with some decades-younger arm candy, he probably knows that Hollywood's time-honored, sex-for-exposure trade is going to involve the occasional bout of immaturity. Today's NY Daily News Gatecrasher column reports on the tragic end of James Woods' May 1986-December 1947 romance with aspiring actress/opportunistic gerontophiliac Ashley Madison (aka Myrick), precipitated by the 20-year-old's insensitivity at the, like , totally boring funeral of her daddy issue's beloved brother:

Youthful Ashley Madison made the gossip pages in June when she parlayed her relationship with James Woods, 59, into a role on "Entourage." But the romance spectacularly soured when Madison showed up at Woods' brother Michael's July 31 funeral "in a 3-inch miniskirt and chain-smoking."

"At the funeral she was concerned about the amount of magazines she was in," says Woods' pal Scott Sandler. "Jimmy was on his knees with tears staining his shirt, and she was showing pictures of herself."

The actor has known Madison, the [daughter] of a golfing buddy, since she was 5. "She's the anti-Christ," says Sandler. "She truly has the soul of a moth and the brain of a dead trout." [...]

Jimmy was so overcome by grief his blood pressure went through the roof early last week, and he had to go to the hospital," said Sandler. "When he came out, it was like he had seen the light."

We imagine that once Woods's anger about Madison's behavior at the funeral subsided, he was genuinely devastated by the end of the relationship; it must be hard to come to the realization that one has wasted 14 years of grooming a friend's daughter from Barbie Malibu Dreamhouse playdate companion to suitable piece of red-carpet ass, knowing that one could've achieved the same disappointing result with any ambitious cater-waitress he promised a speaking role on Entourage.