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• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes — sans Suri, presumably — stop to assist a couple who had just gotten into a car accident. TomKat stayed with the victims and administered E-meter tests until the authorities arrived. [People]
• Paris Hilton and her kosherthug record producer Scott Storch revive "firecrotch," though it's just not the same without a tweaky Brandon Davis. [TMZ]
• Ivanka Trump shames the family by posing on the cover of Stuff. That is, assuming the Trumps even know what shame is. [Us Weekly]
• Diddy plants another seed in girlfriend Kim Porter; the couple is now expecting their second child, who will emerge from the womb covered in white chinchilla. [Page Six]
• Billionaire financier and alleged pervert Jeffrey Epstein had a lot of money, and he liked to spend it on big, fancy things. Or simple massages. [PBP]
• Al Pacino disparages the parenting skills of Beverly D'Angelo, the mother of his twins, because she didn't want their daughter to get stung by a bee. Bitch makes Joan Crawford look weak. [R&M]
• Conde Nast tries to kill Naomi Watts. [Page Six]