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Because it's Friday, we're too hung over to work very hard, and it sounds like it might be fun to create an endless blog-feedback loop of hastily thrown together Photoshop parodies of Gwyneth Paltrow's infinitely mockable "I Am African" ads, we're sharing two of the submissions readers made to the informal contest east-coasted sister site Gawker kicked off based on our Mel Gibson-themed "I Am Israeli" offering from late yesterday. But in the interest of adding something new to the conversation, we point out today's Smoking Gun story that may help explain Patrick Swayze's motives (besides the usual, boring, self-promotional ones) for defending Gibson recently, in which Swayze crashes a Cessna, asks witnesses to ignore the Old Milwaukee fumes rising from his body while helping him ditch his onboard stash of booze, and which offers the dubious "pressurization problem" excuse as a novel aeronautical alternative to the more common "dehydration" gambit we've all come to know and love. Poor Swayze. It really does look like he's hasn't eaten since they packed up the craft services table on Black Dog.