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• The unthinkable has finally occurred in Dan Radosh's New Yorker anti-caption contest. The seas shall boil with blood, fire will rain from the sky, Mr. Shawn will rise from the dead, etc. [Radosh]
• Is this Sarah Kellen, scheduler of Jeffrey Epstein's "massages"? Either way, kinda cute. [Dealbreaker]
• Speaking of Epstein, Mark Green is returning his $10,000 campaign donation. We're gonna go with, "Think about what kind of action that money can buy." [NYDN]
• Mel Gibson's in recovery. For the alcoholism; don't ask about the other thing. [Star]
• Nancy assaults Sluggo; humorless Brooklyn women unamused. Nobody tell them about Andy Capp. [PWD]
• Wanna be a porn star? Fleshbot can make it happen. And this is a real contest, it's nothing like what happened with that guy you met at Fontana's last weekend. [Fleshbot]
• Anne Hathaway is not a good restaurant patron. [Tip or Tat]
• Bridal shower shopping at Macy's. Just reading this one gives us a headache. [Z. Madison]