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Vonn Jackson is not the name of a bar on Bleecker; it's the name of this week's victim in New York mag's Look Book. Vonn is an aspiring singer-songwriter, but in the meantime she's in school and working as a phone operator for Kaplan Test Prep, an audio engineer, and a web designer. Vonn considers herself trendy in a gladiator-sandals-cowboy-hat sort of way, explaining that she "goes left" if everyone else "goes right." Actually, we don't really give a shit about Vonn's style — we just love her subtly erotic MySpace page.

After the jump, Intern Alexis rounds up Mariko Ayanami, Matthew Schneier, and Darren Belitsky to discuss whether or not Vonn actually knows her 111 MySpace friends.

Mariko Ayanami, master glass blower

What do you think of Vonn's singing talents?

They're cool, but I really think Vonn should go back to her roots, you know, to that crazy hard-core neighborhood where Target is called 'Tarjay' (Gasp! Subversion). I'm thinking this awesome epic ballad that involves Vonn smacking down the hordes of baby-carriaging bourgeoisie getting up in her grill at 'Tarjay,' which is in, um, Park Slope.

Vonn is a phone operator for Kaplan Test Prep. If you were a 15-year-old boy preparing for your writing S.A.T. II, and you found yourself on the phone with Vonn, what would happen?

Actually, did you know that Vonn's personal motto "I try to go left if everyone else goes right" was the prompt for an S.A.T. II essay? I'm not joking, it was like 'do you disagree or agree with this statement?,' and then 'please provide examples to support your case.' And people wrote these rocking essays about radical innovators and non-conformists like Tom Cruise, who despite his tendency to confuse left with right, has become really famous, and who is going to star in My Left Foot II.

Vonn is also a swimsuit model. If you were a 15-year-old boy preparing for your writing S.A.T. II, and you found yourself on Vonn's MySpace page looking at her photo, what would happen?

I don't even need to make something up to answer that question. If you go to Vonn's MySpace page you'll notice that there IS a 15-year-old boy (MySpace name 'EMoney') who has written comments like "ma you so beautiful maybe we can make music together someday it be cool, even though you are probably to buys for a guy like me well talk to you later ma' and 'my penis just got hard off of this picture sorry i had to type that well holla ma.' Those answers are NOT going to get you a good score on the writing portion of the S.A.T. II, young an. Although EMoney is, in some respects, pretty skillful with the metaphors. Now excuse me while I go make music together with that cute intern from finance.


Matthew Schneier, highly employable dandy about town

What do you think of Vonn's singing talents?

Vonn places herself in the august company of Brandy and Aaliyah, and I'm inclined to agree, give or take a little early TLC. I think she's got the makings of a great, short-lived hook singer.

Vonn is a phone operator for Kaplan Test Prep. If you were a 15-year-old boy preparing for your writing S.A.T. II, and you found yourself on the phone with Vonn, what would happen?

I bet Vonn gives great phone. When I was a 15-year-old boy conversing with SAT administrators and Kaplan professionals, I mainly got automated operators, who were not only unpliable but also uninspiring—I would say their invitingness rated somewhere not far below Julie, the Amtrak robot's, or Mr. Moviefone's. Had I been confronted with Vonn's R&B croon, I probably would have gotten my analogies all in a twist. SEPTUAGENERIAN : LAMBAST :: DO ME : VONN?

Vonn is also a swimsuit model. If you were a 15-year-old boy preparing for your writing S.A.T. II, and you found yourself on Vonn's MySpace page looking at her photo, what would happen?

As someone who slept—or, sometimes, hyperventilated—through Kaplan practice tests, knowing Vonn would be waiting at the test-prep center would likely have ended the former tendency and exacerbated the latter. I think Vonn's background as a music video extra amply prepares her to be not only a phone operator, but a test proctor, potentially singing the eight pages of restrictions. ("No. 2 pencils only"—an Xtina-style melisima?) As Vonn writes of her swimsuit cover, on which she is flanked by two equally fetching beauties, "the chocolate's in the middle." Can't the same be said of the SAT II? CHOCOLATE : MIDDLE :: VONN : SAT II? Apparently I still haven't recovered.


Darren Belitsky, TV producer/writer

What do you think of Vonn's singing talents?

These songs made me truly appreciate the artistic genius behind Paris Hilton's "The Stars are Blind". I think Vonn should give Paris' producer a call. Vonn's heavy breathing and whispering on the tracks really stood out to me. If her career as a singer doesn't take off, she definitely has a good career ahead of her as Prince's back-up whisperer.

Vonn is a phone operator for Kaplan Test Prep. If you were a 15-year-old boy preparing for your writing S.A.T. II, and you found yourself on the phone with Vonn, what would happen?

Having seen pictures of her, I'd definitely try a Mary Kaye Letourneau angle. I'd tell her that teachers having sex with students is very hot right now and she could be the female R. Kelly. If I had actually found myself on the phone with someone with her considerable heavy breathing skills when I was 15, however, my voice would have just cracked like Peter Brady's as I asked "how many points do you lose for bad spelling?"

Vonn is also a swimsuit model. If you were a 15-year-old boy preparing for your writing S.A.T. II, and you found yourself on Vonn's MySpace page looking at her photo, what would happen?

I would sigh deeply, realizing that I'll never be half the swimsuit model Vonn is no matter how many squat thrusts I do and that it's time to put my childish dream of swimsuit modeling to bed. I'd realize that the key to my future really is in academic success and I'd study all night for the SATs. And years later whilst sitting in the great room of my Park Avenue penthouse apartment, lighting a cigar with a hundred dollar bill, I'd think of Vonn and her fine booty and how she crushed my boyhood dreams of becoming the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model and made me the man I am today.