• Yesterday, we watched Britney cry to Matt Lauer that celebrities "are people, too!" Today, we learn that she changed her baby's diaper on the FLOOR next to a cash register at Victoria's Secret. This pretty much clears up any confusion about whether or not Britney's a person — she's not even a primate. Where the hell is the manny when this stuff happens? [Us Weekly]
• The battle of Paris and Lindsay continues: Hilton tries to pick a fight with Lohan, Lohan takes the high road and walks away, Hilton responds by performing a striptease for Eli Manning. [Page Six]
• An Us Weekly reporter gets pepper-sprayed by security when trying to get pics of Oliver Hudson's weekend wedding. Seems like quite a length to go for Goldie Hawn's other kid. [R&M (last item)]
• Keith Olbermann says Rita Cosby is "dumber than a suitcase full of rocks." Suspiciously masculine rocks, that is. [Lowdown]
• Liza Minelli's estranged, plasticine husband David Gest is accused of sexually harrassing his personal assistant, grabbing his jingly bits and punctuating orders with dirty talk. If true, Gest deserves every beating Liza ever gave him. [Page Six]
• Nick Lachey hooks up with MTV's Vanessa Minnillo, ensuring that Jessica Simpson will never again grace the set of TRL. [Scoop]
• For Michael Jackson, the proceeds from his Katrina charity single will go to straight to his pocket. After all, someone's gotta pay for his new earlobe. [Fox411]