Liz Taylor Is Not Dead! (And Neither Is Larry King!)
Because we were out having drinks all evening last night — and, yes, we know: mah nishtanah, etc.? — we missed Liz Taylor on Larry King Live. It's rare you get to see quite so much old-person doddering in one hour of television, at least if you live anywhere north of West Palm, and, indeed, from what we understand the broadcast didn't disappoint. Some highlights, selected by a devoted reader:
TAYLOR: I think the paparazzi started — not the paparazzi, the press. Excuse me. May I blow my nose?
KING: You may.
TAYLOR: Thank you.
KING: It's called human.
KING: Let's clear up some things. A lot of tabloid stories about you.
TAYLOR: Oh, my god. Am I dead? Am I alive?
KING: Are you alive?
TAYLOR: I think so.
There's more after the jump, including Taylor's flackery of her new jewelry line, plus a link to The Malcontent's video clip.
KING: You're the dame grandmother. How do you get to be a dame?
TAYLOR: You couldn't. I'll call you sir.
KING: I can't even be a sir.
TAYLOR: Because you're not English. I don't know, they just are meretricious.
KING: The British. Did you have to go there? Do they dub you dame?
TAYLOR: Yes.
KING: It must be quite an honor to stand there.
TAYLOR: It is.
KING: The queen mother?
TAYLOR: No, the queen.
KING: The queen herself dubs you dame.
TAYLOR: Yes. She doesn't use a sword on the ladies.
KING: That's only on the men. That had to give you a kick?
TAYLOR: Oh. I was so thrilled.
KING: Can you give me — let's look at a piece. Let's take this piece, this diamond-studded necklace here. That one.
TAYLOR: This is here to show you.
KING: Is that a tiara?
TAYLOR: Well, no.
KING: I don't know.
TAYLOR: This is a necklace.
KING: A necklace, OK. What's a tiara?
TAYLOR: That's a tiara.
KING: Uh-huh, that's a tiara. OK, I'm way off.
TAYLOR: These are my old pieces, that kind of inspired me. These are all the pieces that I've designed. But, as you can see, I've been...
KING: ... What would that necklace sell for?
TAYLOR: Well it's not for sale.
KING: Do you have a copy of it that would be for sale?
TAYLOR: No.
KING: What's ...
TAYLOR: These are for sale.
KING: What's that worth?
TAYLOR: I don't know.
KING: Tiara.
TAYLOR: It's not for sale either. I don't know why we have these out here.
KING: They're out just to show. This is for sale?
TAYLOR: Yes.
KING: Now this is a necklace. Watch, I'm good at this. This is a diamond-studded necklace with pearls.
TAYLOR: You got it!
KING: Let's get in one more quick call. San Diego, hello.
CALLER: Hello.
KING: Hello. Go ahead.
CALLER: Hi. Elizabeth, you look wonderful. And I also suffer from chronic pain, and I want to know how you keep going and stay so strong through all the pain and trying to avoid all the pain medicine that they try to give you.
KING: We only have a minute.
TAYLOR: Well, you don't, if you want to go on functioning. You grin and bear it, and try and get as much sleep as you can, because sleep is a great healer, I find.
KING: You always have a little pain in your back, always?
TAYLOR: Oh, (inaudible)!
KING: You actresses.
TAYLOR: Didn't you like that little burst of song?
KING: I did. Don't want to get married again?
TAYLOR: Larry, are you proposing?
KING: No, I'm just asking.
TAYLOR: Oh. Are you asking me?
KING: The answer no?
TAYLOR: No.
KING: Thanks so much for coming.
TAYLOR: Oh, thank you.
KING: For someone on death bed with Alzheimer's, you did amazingly well. Amazingly well.
TAYLOR: Thank you.
KING: For someone so tragically ill, I've never seen anything...
TAYLOR: I know.
KING: What courage.
TAYLOR: It is something, isn't it?
KING: Godspeed.
TAYLOR: Oh, thank you.
KING: Hang tough!
TAYLOR: Yes.
