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Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Bruce Willis accidentally tumble into a wormhole and pop out in 1985.

In this week's episode: Lindsay Lohan, Topher Grace, Malcolm McLaren, Jude Law and Cameron Diaz; Jake Gyllenhaal and Kirsten Dunst; Heath Ledger; Bruce Willis; Jessica Simpson; Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson; Hayden Christensen; Billy Bob Thornton; Mandy Moore and Zach Braff; Jeremy Piven, Eva Longoria and Teri Polo; Lauren Ambrose; Ron Livingston; Tom Selleck; James Woods; Martin Sheen; Robin Williams; Vincent Gallo; Lara Flynn Boyle; Angie Harmon; Hal Sparks; Ashley Tisdale; Deep Roy; Henry Winkler; Sally Struthers and Jamie Farr.

· Some friends rented a suite at the Chateau Marmont on Saturday night, May 13, to celebrate a birthday, and we had a bevy of celebrity sightings. Forgive me if others have already noted these.

* Around 6 pm or so, Lindsay Lohan was spied checking in. After waiting maybe 10 seconds for the elevator, she decided to take the stairs. Maybe the poor showing of "Just My Luck" inspired her to get some more exercise?

* Around 8 pm or so, while we were waiting for cabs to go to dinner, Topher Grace walked in off the street and disappeared into the hotel. Possibly to console Lindsay on her poor b.o. showing? Who knows.

* Around 1 am or so, a friend of ours started talking to an English gentleman with a mop top of curly white hair who introduced himself as Malcolm. I realized it was none other than the legendary Malcolm McLaren, the famed Sex Pistols manager, in town to promote his new movie, Fast Food Nation. A very pleasant and amiable fellow.

* Around 2 am or so, Jude Law and Cameron Diaz were spied, separately, walking through the lobby.

That's it, but dear lord, isn't that enough? The Chateau can still beckon with its siren song, it seems...

· Jake Gyllenhaal in his ever present blue hoodie and Kirsten Dunst with Spiderman hair at The Guillemots show at The Roxy last night. Very low key. No NOTICE ME WE'RE STARS type attitude.

· It's been Brokeback Week around these parts. A few short days after spotting Michelle and Heath, I finally saw Jake Gyllenhaal. Alcove Saturday early afternoon, sitting at a corner table in the patio with one other dude.

· runyon canyon - 5/13 - saw heath ledger (with newly tatooed forearm) pushing his tiny baby in a stroller. my god is he good to look at. He was with some guy who had a baby strapped to his back. if his friend was famous, i didn't recognize him - probably because i barely noticed him. but that's what he gets for hanging out with heath ledger.

· Spotted Bruce Willis himself Tuesday night at Little Pedro's. The highlight of the evening came not when he jumped in on Mickey Champion's set with his harmonica (no surprises there), but when the bartenders asked him to sign the house copy of the "Moonlighting" soundtrack. Why they have a house copy of the "Moonlighting" soundtrack in the first place is any one's guess. "Yippee-kye-aye, motherfucker!"

· Just saw Jessica Simpson and unidentified male companion leaving the arclight. So did lots of paparazzi. But the interesting fact is, we figured that unless she was seeing Mission Impossible 3 with us, which we didn't see her in, the only other movie letting out at that time was the Lindsay Lohan stinker! Are they friends or feuding, i forget?

· I know the Grove is a totally cliched place to see celebrities, but as I was waiting for "Keeping Up With the Steins" to start, who should sit down right in front of me but TOM HANKS and RITA WILSON. He was so close I could have kicked the red baseball cap off of his head. Now, I love me some Jeremy Piven, but for the entire movie, all I could do was watch Hanks chowing down on his popcorn. There's a reason he's a movie star - I swear to God, listening to Hanks occasionally clear his throat was worth the overpriced ticket.

· I just saw Hayden Christensen walking hand in hand with a tall brunette into Baja Fresh on Sunset Blvd and Fairfax. He was wearing a hat and glasses. She was talking on her cell phone while he ordered for both of them. Afterwards they left and he kissed her before they got into his suv and drove off.

· Saw Billy Bob Thornton at El Torito Grill in Beverly Hills Sunday night (5/14, Mother's Day). He was making a massive order to go, I couldn't hear what. He seemed shorter than I would have thought (IMDB says 6', the big fat liars), wearing a weird plaid shirt with cutoff sleeves, shorts, and a bright yellow baseball cap. He didn't look crazy, just tacky.

· I spotted Mandy Moore and Zach Braff at Knitting Factory for the Hem/Over the Rhine show on May 15th. They looked cute and normal-ish. Since I've been a fan of both bands for years, does a Moore/Braff endorsement mean I'm cool now? No?

· All at Nobu, approximately 5/13, 9 pm:

Jeremy Piven and a not-older-than-20 woman with bad bleach job. Appeared to be on a date, though he spent a lot of time looking around the room and took a call at one point while blondie picked at a salad. Then Eva Longoria came in wearing a BRIGHT red dress. Stopped to chat with Piven (while blocking the aisle so waiters had to jostle the rest of us to get through the room) then made her way to her large party at the back of the room. Friends had saved her a seat in the middle of the table so that she was facing the entire room—couldn't miss her. Obviously wanted to be noticed.

Also, somebody who looked a lot like Teri Polo and husband or boyfriend with another couple. Pretty sure it was her, though she was laughing and talking a lot while bobbing and weaving her head around so it was hard to get a direct view.

· Saw Lauren Ambrose ( heavy make-up and hair pulled up ) dining alfresco this afternoon with an older woman ( aunt? ) in Brentwood at...Souplantation.

· Heading to El Compadre Monday noon for a bloated lunch with the requisite Flaming Margarita spied Ron Livingston escaping Office Space for the day in his spankin' brand new Rick Rubinsesque minutes old black Bentley heading west and—as always with celebs—riding alone and looking straight ahead, despite my intense cruising and my "possible celebrity driver status" in my Honda Insight. Not a glance. Sigh.

· Driving home through the Hollywood Dell this afternoon (5/15). Noticed a very striking man sauntering down a residential street. His head was buried in a script and he was munching on some sort of snack food. There was just something about him - that star aura - so I took a closer look and was amazed to recognize the object of my pre-teen affection, Magnum aka Tom Selleck. He looks great and hasn't aged much at all. The only disappointment was that he was dressed like my father - light blue denim jeans with a matching shirt tucked in and worn with a dark belt. There may have also been a matching denim baseball cap but I am choosing to block that out along with the fact that his jeans were tucked into the top of his work boots... odd. Despite the outfit, I must admit that I made a stealthy u-turn and stalked him for three blocks to his car (a silver BMW). The lust lives on.

· James Woods talking on his cell phone and pacing up and down on the sidewalk in front of L'Hermitage Hotel in BH. Second time I've seen him on the sidewalk there.

Martin Sheen at the antiques show in SM.

· Robin Williams has been seen frequenting the bar Birds, on Franklin Ave for late night drinks.

The place had a good crowd for 11:30 pm Monday night (5/13), and Robin did not disappoint. He engaged in improv right there at the sidewalk tables, cocktail in hand. The normally celebrity-jaded, stoic Hollywood Hills drinkers could not contain their laughter.

He was personable and polite. Shaking the eager hands of all the starfuckers who trolled up to him. Though he was eventually left alone to sit among a small group of attractive men and women, who he delighted with impersonations and vitriolic humor.

· popped into fred segal this saturday afternoon as i saw a sweaty, haggard looking robin williams walk out of the store and into the parking lot... didn't check to see if he got into an rv or not. i didn't see the chest hair (thank god) but it was still a palpable force nonetheless.

· drunkenly decided to hit up Fred 62— don't dig the food, but thank god I was seated right in front of Vincent Gallo. he was totally hot, wearing white pants, a rusr colored shirt, and a white vest. he said something about being on his second date, but was pretty fuckin' cuddly with the chick he was with, hugging and nuzzling noses. but, and my roommate can attest, he was totally giving me looks the whole time. hot.

· On Tuesday night in LA, I saw Vincent Gallo at Safai Sam's on sunset. He didn't actually go in the club, but circled around the parking lot in a huge black SUV while hiding under a steering wheel. Someone recognized him and called out his name. He waved like a freak, then drove to the other side of the lot. He made a quick call on his phone, then some young, hot hipster looking chick ran out and jumped in his car. They kissed and then he drove off. Poor girl...

· Tuesday, saw Lara Flynn Boyle walking her black lab on La Cienega and Third across from the Beverly Center. Tiny but not as skeletal as I expected—didn't look like she was going to drop dead in the street or anything. No makeup but has beautiful skin, which suprised me. I thought anorexics aged early? Excellent posture, looks like she took ballet lessons once upon a time.

· sat 5/13 at Eat on Sunset. I'm at a private 40th birthday party and who should stroll into the bar, but Angie Harmon, with two guys (not sure if one of them was her husband, the last know white D-back in the NFL, Jason Sehorn) wearing really silly hats. and they proceed to order drinks and put them on the tab of the private party they are not attending. Nice. Guess those Renagade/Baywatch residuals are petering out.

· Monday (5/15), on a gray afternoon and sparsely populated Venice Beach Boardwalk; saw Hal Sparks (so cute and tiny) looking rather rockerish - i swear he had a studded leather belt on. He was eagerly chatting up a few equally rockerish looking women. I yelled, "I love you Hal!" as I sprint-walked past him, being as I was eager to get off the Boardwalk and shower with bleach (that strand makes me feel like I was touched in a bad place). Sadly, only one of the ladies he was talking to turned around to acknowledge my Sparks love.

· I am quite ashamed to admit that I was actually at the Surf School premiere, not of my own free will, I guarantee it...

Anyway, I was sitting in the row behind where Ashley Tisdale had stolen some seats from some other movie patron - the theatre was packed with similar looking tiny blonde people and people were actually being turned away from the premiere of SURF SCHOOL (I know). While Ashley was trying not to get kicked out of her seat, the small brunette person whose seat she stole was standing in the aisle and at one point, frustrated that Ashley wouldn't get out of her seat said "sweetheart, you're not famous, stop acting like it".

In the end, the small brunette beat out the small blonde and I don't think Ashley Tisdale got to see the movie as she couldn't get a seat.

· In Santa Monica cruising up Wilshire Blvd (at 7th), I saw this mini human, like when Mike Teevee got shrunken down in Willie Wonka. I told my friend, look it's a little person... no... it's Deep Roy.

· Was at USC the other day and saw Henry Winkler (apparently one of his kids is graduating? Or just did?). In person, a very, very short man. Still, he was the Fonz, and I have no doubt he would have quickly and justifiably beaten me to a pulp if I'd stuck my thumbs out and said "ayyyyyyyyy!"

· it's always been a small dream of mine to submit the last privacywatch item - a bottom of the list sighting so d-list i get a little street cred for even noticing. so here it is: jamie farr, golfing in a tasteful grandpa outfit at calabassas country club this weekend. can you throw me a bone for that?

· She cares for the children... and the animals. Saturday, I was at Off Broadway shoes with the girlfriend, having my Rockports (damn, damn comfortable) rung up when a distressed, sweaty Sally Struthers burst in the front door directly across from me. Seeming on the verge of panic, she informed me that a puppy was locked in a Mercedes outside, seeming to say that with the springlike heat outside, it was not long for this Earth. She probably thought I was the manager because of the tie I was wearing. We had the store make an announcement for the Mercedes owner to come to the front, and I went outside with Ms. Struthers. Though the car's windows were cracked open, it was pretty safe to assume the owner was a dumbass. Then, all doubt was removed; the poor pooch's owner, a dumb club girl with a Von Dutch tank came out, telling us she left hit the "one touch A/C butt on" on the car and cracked the windows open, that she does it all the time, that she has four dogs, that Sally was making her feel bad. Sally doubted A/C could run with the car off, but the woman insisted it was a new feature. As the ditz took her dog out of the car to show us it was fine, I assured Ms. Struthers she did the right thing, though I was hoping to see some choice words fly... No such luck. She thanked me for my support, hopped in her PT Cruiser, and roared away, probably off to right more wrongs.